Listen, little one: you’re the baby of the family, and that means you get to stay the baby for just a little while longer. You’re forever going to be the adorably small one, the one we encourage to mispronounce words because it makes our hearts melt. We’ll create silly phrases to keep you from realizing that “spicy” really just means we’re hiding dessert from you. We’ll keep you surrounded by all the babyish toys and sweet experiences because we aren’t quite ready to let go of these charming years.
But those reasons aren’t why I’m putting off potty training you.
Here’s the truth, dear: I’ve already gone through the wringer with your siblings, and I’m not keen on repeating the chaos.
- The battle to keep underwear on has been exhausting.
- The challenge of keeping those boys from exploring their private parts was intense.
- The relentless need to check for any signs of a mishap—was that a fart, a poop, or something in between?
- The pee dribbles everywhere, always!
- The stained mattresses that haunt my dreams.
- The mountains of dirty sheets that never seem to decline.
- The splatters on the bathroom walls that tell their own story.
- The scent of urine that lingers in every bathroom because each toilet had to be tested multiple times daily—except when the faucet was running.
- The endless hand-washing because tiny butts and big momma hands lead to lots of unintentional contact.
- The mess of washing hands, since toddlers also want to clean up after themselves.
- The arguments about how much liquid could be consumed before bedtime.
- The midnight wake-ups that result from even the tiniest sip of water.
- The sheer terror of public restroom toilets that is all too real.
- The wet car seats that seem to multiply overnight.
- The constant state of “potty alert” that keeps me on my toes.
Sure, I’ll assist you with wiping and take you to the toilet if you ask, but I have better things to do than inquire if you need to go every ten minutes. The diaper bag is strictly for diapers, and it will not be repurposed as an emergency change of clothes bag because I was too eager to transition you out of Pull-Ups. That bag is old, worn out, and, much like me, needs a break. It deserves a quiet spot in the backseat, where it might only see the light of day once a week before it heads off to the donation bin.
Honestly, I’ve adopted a more relaxed approach to parenting, which doesn’t align well with potty training at the moment. If you feel the urge to go and can’t manage your pants, just use the diaper, kiddo. You’re just two years old—there’s plenty of time before you need to master the porcelain throne. My to-do list is already overwhelming without factoring in hours spent supervising your bathroom ventures, stopping you from using half a roll of toilet paper, rewinding the roll, and then ensuring you wash your hands—all to do it again in just a few minutes.
So, I’m stepping back from this one. You’ll figure it out before kindergarten, I’m sure. And if not, well, perhaps your dad will take over that duty for me.
For more insights into family life, check out our other posts like this one about home insemination kits or tips for cozy sibling bedrooms. If you’re looking for more information on pregnancy, this Wikipedia page on in vitro fertilisation is an excellent resource.
Summary
In this humorous take on parenting, the author shares her reasons for delaying potty training her youngest child. Having endured the challenges with older siblings, she lists the chaos of previous experiences, from messy accidents to late-night bathroom runs, and embraces a more relaxed approach to parenting.