We’ve all heard the stereotype of the eccentric cat lady—wild hair, worn-out clothes, and an unmistakable scent of cat litter. You might have spotted her at the supermarket, filling her cart with treats for her feline companions, or perhaps you’ve encountered her on your doorstep, gifting you a rather unfortunate surprise. If you had a chat with her while she walked her six cats on leashes, you’d likely hear all about their names, favorite TV shows, and even their political stances (one of them is a staunch supporter of a controversial figure, causing a stir during group yoga sessions).
Once, I wondered what could have led someone to such a life dedicated to cats. However, after having children of my own, I now see the deeper wisdom in her choices. It turns out, she might have been the eldest in a large family or the last of her friends to have kids, accumulating a wealth of knowledge in the process. Hence, I’ve resolved that in my next life, I’ll opt for cats instead of children. Here are my reasons:
1. Vegetables
Both kids and cats can be wary of vegetables, but when my cat freaks out over a cucumber, it’s entertaining—think viral video worthy. My toddler, on the other hand, reacts with fervent screams until he’s sick.
2. Potty Training
Cats use a litter box and cover their mess discreetly. My toddler, however, proudly announces his accidents and then leaves a trail of chaos behind.
3. Tranquilizers
Both kids and cats can protest car rides vehemently, but when my cat throws a tantrum, I can take him to the vet for a sedative. If I tried the same with my child, I’d be in for serious trouble.
4. Nap Time
Convincing my toddler to nap is akin to wrestling a bear, complete with dramatic cries and resistance. Cats, however, have a reputation for napping whenever and wherever they please, without demanding bathroom breaks as soon as I settle in.
5. Collars
It’s deemed unsafe to put a bell on my toddler, which means I often wake up to him breathing heavily while hovering over me in the dark. My cat, on the other hand, simply purrs softly while curled up next to me.
6. No Therapy Needed
When my cat walks in on private moments, he doesn’t need therapy afterward. Although his judgmental stares can be distracting.
7. Bed Sharing
Even when my husband and I manage to have a moment together, my toddler inevitably joins us at night. He knows I’m the source of comfort, taking up most of the bed. My cat, conversely, sleeps contentedly in my laundry basket when he seeks closeness.
8. Sex Education
For those dealing with preteens, the lesson is simple: spay and neuter. Enough said!
9. Bath Time
Bathing my toddler feels like wrestling a slippery fish, while cats groom themselves quietly and efficiently. The worst I deal with is an occasional hairball, unlike the mess my kids can create.
10. Dealing with Parasites
When my cat gets fleas, I can simply put on a collar and let him stay outside for a while. I don’t have to spend hours nitpicking through my child’s hair or washing everything in sight.
11. Dinner Solutions
If I forget to feed my cat, he’ll either beg from the neighbors or hunt down the family’s pet bird. Kids, however, just bemoan their hunger.
12. Discipline
With cats, discipline is straightforward—just a quick spray of water if they’re naughty. Kids require a lengthy and often ineffective timeout process.
13. Back Talk
My cat has never yelled at me or dropped any expletives during playdates, though I suspect he might have given me the paw once.
14. Agility
Cats are known for landing on their feet, unlike toddlers, who often find themselves crashing into furniture regularly.
15. Milk
When my cat drinks milk, it doesn’t come at the expense of my sanity—unlike breastfeeding, which can be a painful experience.
After raising three kids in five years, I resemble a disheveled bag lady, reeking of regurgitated food, and have not enjoyed a solid night’s sleep in ages. The cat lady can leave her pets unattended while shopping for their holiday outfits, without fear of intervention from child protective services.
In summary, owning cats in my next life sounds far more appealing than dealing with the chaos of children. For those interested in exploring home insemination options, check out this excellent resource and consider the at-home insemination kit for your journey. Understanding the implications of the Rh factor is also crucial, and this site provides valuable insights.