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14 Insights on Raising a Tween Girl
by Maya Thompson
Updated: September 15, 2015
Originally Published: May 18, 2013
Your tween girl’s personality is blossoming. At this stage, her sense of humor, style, and opinions about her clothing and activities have become more pronounced. While some of her choices may be open to discussion, others are non-negotiable. I expect her to participate in family activities and won’t hesitate to intervene regarding weather-inappropriate attire. However, I respect her journey in determining how she wants to express herself, even if her choices differ from my own expectations.
Her kindness shines through.
Despite the stereotypes surrounding tweens and teens, they often possess remarkable sweetness and empathy. Yes, mood swings occur, but isn’t that something we all experience? The frustration we parents feel often stems from the transition of having a little one to witnessing their burgeoning independence. If we allow ourselves to embrace this shift, we can truly appreciate the incredible person they are becoming. This age group holds a unique kindness that deserves to be nurtured.
Confidence in her abilities is vital.
Worrying is a natural part of parenting, and I excel at it. Yet, deep down, I recognize that excessive worrying can convey a lack of faith in her abilities. Instead, I choose to vocally express my belief in her potential.
Mistakes are part of the learning process.
Your tween will stumble, and it’s your responsibility to help her learn from those errors. This isn’t “helicopter parenting”; it’s simply being a supportive parent.
She still needs your presence.
Every day, I am amazed by my tween’s growing independence. However, I strive to be available. Whether I’m sharing snacks when she returns home or casually sitting nearby while she studies, being present is crucial. Often, she shares thoughts or experiences during these moments that I would miss if I were elsewhere.
Advocating for her is always worthwhile.
I firmly believe in the importance of advocating for my daughter and helping her find her voice. I’ve never regretted standing up for her, but I have regretted times I hesitated for trivial reasons. Even if I speak out of turn or need to clarify later, it’s essential for her to feel supported as she navigates her world.
She has a sensitive heart.
Though her sarcasm may give the impression of a tough exterior, she remains vulnerable. As she grows and changes, it’s important to remember that joking should never cross into teasing. If she confides in you about her worries, treat that trust with respect and don’t use it against her.
Approval matters to her.
Despite appearances, she seeks your approval. Offer it generously and without hesitation.
You’re shaping her understanding of relationships.
The way you interact with others sets the standard for her. Be conscious of how you communicate with her, yourself, and those around you.
She’s more aware than you might think.
Never underestimate her understanding. Engage her in meaningful conversations about both joyful and challenging topics. Demonstrating healthy debates, thoughtful reactions, and respectful discussions will help her navigate her world.
She’s learning from your example.
Your actions and beliefs serve as a template for her. Strong, intelligent, and compassionate women are invaluable. Regardless of how your journey unfolds, pursue your passions, express your opinions, and recognize your worth—she will take note and reflect that behavior.
She needs to hear about her strengths.
Make a point to tell her about the goodness you see in her. Compliments should flow freely and often. Don’t hesitate; it’s essential for her self-esteem.
Embrace difficult discussions.
Topics such as periods, relationships, mental health, and peer pressure are vital to address. It’s a privilege to be the safe space for these conversations—take it seriously.
Be her number one supporter.
Everyone deserves at least one person who believes they can achieve anything. Be that person for her, filling her life with shared experiences and unwavering support.
This article originally appeared on May 18, 2013.
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Summary:
Raising a tween girl is a complex journey filled with opportunities for connection and growth. Embrace her independence while being present and supportive. Advocate for her, engage in open dialogues, and model healthy relationships. Remember to recognize her strengths and be her biggest cheerleader.