Navigating the entry and exit of our home has become a battleground for my family. While we manage to keep it together inside and outside, the transition between the two is when I tend to lose my cool. Unfortunately, this is also when the neighbors can hear me the clearest. Here are 13 reasons why they’ve dubbed me “that upset mom.”
- “Where are your shoes? Why aren’t they on yet? Yes, you can do it by yourself. No, you’re not a ‘widdle baby.’ Come on, we’re running late. Give it a solid effort, and then I’ll assist you. That was not a solid effort. PUT ON YOUR SHOES!”
- “Why didn’t you use the bathroom when I asked? Now you’ll just have to hold it.”
- “Where’s the baby? Did you leave him somewhere? Are you trying to hide him from me? WHERE IS THE BABY? Oh, there he is. WHAT ARE YOU EATING?”
- “Did you brush your teeth? No? Well, I guess they’ll just rot away.”
- “Now you mention the permission slip? Now? The field trip is today! Where is it? Well then, dig through the trash for it.”
- “No, you can’t run outside without your shoes. It’s only 40 degrees. I said no. AGHHH, I SAID NO!”
- “Are you two playing a game called ‘Who Can Whine the Loudest’? Because, haha, I’m trying to be lighthearted here, but this sounds like a terrible jazz concert. STOP IT!”
- “Oh, is that a permission slip? For today? And you need $10 for lunch or a packed meal? Let’s see, I don’t have any cash. Okay. Fine then. No, I’m still composed.”
- “Oh, and it’s picture day too? When did I give you a bath last? THIS IS JUST GREAT.”
- “Alright, let me just set the groceries down while I unlock the door. Sweetheart, can you prevent your brother from trying to eat all the food? That’s a glass bottle! Wait. No, put that down. Honey, I SAID PUT THAT DOWN!”
- “I know, I’m hungry too! Just give me a few minutes to prepare dinner. Oh, you found a candy bar in my purse? I was saving that for my…”
- “Sweetie, you’re looking a little pale. Let’s get you to the bathroom. Oh dear. It’s okay, hon. No, don’t play in your brother’s vomit! Step away for a second. I’m trying to clean this up… I SAID STEP AWAY FROM THE VOMIT!”
- “Let’s see who can be quiet the longest—YOU JUST LOST.”
The truth is, once we’re safely inside, shoes off and groceries stored, everything is fine. Or, when we’re outside, buckled in and ready to go, life is lovely. It’s just that in-between space, where all the neighbors can judge my parenting skills. But hey, some of them seem a little sketchy too—maybe one of them will offer me a Quaalude, or at least a candy bar. I could really use one.
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In summary, while the chaos of parenting can be overwhelming, it’s important to find humor in the madness. Each transition can bring its own challenges, but it’s all part of the journey.