A while back, my two oldest kids had a full-blown argument about who was responsible for a fart. Surprisingly, they weren’t pointing fingers at one another; instead, they were both trying to claim ownership. Sure, it’s conceivable that they both let one rip simultaneously, but here’s the kicker: I’m just joking; it was definitely them! The reality is that kids bicker over the strangest topics, and as a parent, there are moments when you just have to wonder about their sanity.
Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, I reached out to countless parents and posed a simple question: “What’s the oddest thing your kids have argued about?” The responses poured in, and they are bound to amuse you. So, without further ado, here’s a collection of some of the most ridiculous disputes kids get into. (To protect the innocent, names have been changed.)
- Feces Frenzy
“We bought a new poop scooper for the dog. My kids fought over who got to use it. When they ran out of dog mess, one of them actually pooped in the yard just so they could argue over who would clean it up.” Talk about an unexpected twist! - Territory Dispute
“My husband often has to intervene because my boys are squabbling over a 1-foot square of snow in our big backyard. We have an acre of land, and there’s plenty of snow to go around!” Classic sibling rivalry. - Puke Problems
“One child got furious because someone was using ‘his’ puke bucket, even though he wasn’t sick at all.” Such a precious item to fight over! “My 7-year-old and her 8-year-old friend had a full-blown meltdown over who would clean up dried cat vomit. Lots of tears and, of course, I ended up doing the cleaning.” What a parenting moment! - Invisible Friends
“My kids had a knock-down-drag-out fight over a ‘baby invisible ghost’ while shopping. In a moment of frustration, I pretended to stomp it out, and that put an end to the argument.” Sometimes, sacrifices must be made for peace. - Lunar Ownership
“My husband claims everything. ‘Look kids, there’s Daddy’s moon!’ Now the kids argue about who owns the moon and other outdoor features. Apparently, the different phases belong to different family members.” Thanks, Dad! - Birth Order Battle
“My 4-year-old is always upset with my 6-year-old because he was born first. It’s a totally valid concern, right?” - Imaginary Competitions
“My 6-year-old and her friend came crying to us because they’d just run an imaginary race – they both ‘won’ but neither wanted to share the imaginary trophy!” An Olympic sport in the making, folks. - Cyborg Confusion
“My kids argue constantly about whether the youngest is a cyborg. The oldest claims he is; the youngest gets so mad he punches his brother. I have no idea why this has been an ongoing debate for five years!” Sounds like a sci-fi movie plot gone wrong. - Word Wars
“They argue over whether ‘20’ is pronounced ‘twenty’ or ‘twenty-zero.’” Naturally. “My three-year-old is devastated to learn that ‘cat’ isn’t the only word that starts with C. I can’t help but laugh at that one!” - Belly Button Theft
“My almost 2-year-old argued with his 6-year-old sister about whether she would actually steal his belly button.” That’s a serious accusation! - Good Day Standoff
“My 10-year-old and nearly 4-year-old fought over who had the better day—apparently, only one of them could be happy.” - Size Matters
“I have boys, and they actually argued over who had the SMALLEST penis, eagerly trying to measure and prove it.” I can’t help but think of Michelangelo’s David in this context! - Air Conflict
“My son and daughter had a huge argument over the air in a can. He was yelling at her for ‘stealing his air.’” It’s true—kids can fight about anything, even nothing!
So there you have it! Kids may have some of the most ridiculous arguments, but these hilarious disputes are completely normal. If you’re a parent, you’re definitely not alone in this chaotic journey. And if you’re looking for more parenting tips, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary: Kids have an uncanny ability to argue over the most ludicrous things, from poop to imaginary trophies. This light-hearted look at their bizarre squabbles serves to remind parents everywhere that they are not alone in navigating the wild world of childhood disputes.