I can still vividly recall the day the new Costco opened in our town. The lines that morning seemed endless, stretching toward The Home Depot, filled with eager shoppers clutching their wallets like treasure chests. It felt like a celebrity was inside, ready to sign autographs.
I stood in that line, with four ever-hungry kids at home, and word was that a gallon of milk could be snagged for under $2.00. Absolutely, I was there—ready for a shopping adventure.
As the doors swung open, the wave of excited shoppers surged in, and honestly, I can’t recall much of what I bought that day. However, one thing was certain: my perspective shifted profoundly. Nearly a decade later, I find myself still reveling in the Costco experience. Sure, there were a few interruptions in my membership, but whenever life got better, I rushed back with my renewal form, ready to pay $55 for the joy of scoring avocados for less than a dollar each.
I have fully embraced the Costco lifestyle, my friends. Have you? Here are some signs that you, too, may have joined the ranks:
- When a Sam’s Club advertisement arrives in your mailbox, you toss it aside without a second thought. You ponder, “How did this rival get my information?” and quickly recycle it, viewing it as an affront. Do they really think you’d stray from Costco? They must be joking.
- You’ve found yourself buying undergarments at Costco. It often starts innocently—perhaps a three-pack of camisoles with built-in bras. Before you know it, you’re contemplating Flexees shaping panties, recalling that your current collection resembles old rags more than anything else. The Flexees end up nestled in your cart next to dental chews for your dog and a colossal bag of Babybel cheese.
- You’ve returned perishable items to Costco. In the days before Costco (BC), I would simply accept a few rotten raspberries or a bag of spuds with a couple of mushy potatoes as fate. Not anymore. Costco even encourages returns for questionable food items. My first attempt was nerve-wracking, akin to a scene from a Judy Blume novel. I approached the counter, embarrassed, to explain that my cod had live worms. The employee was kind and reassured me that it was a sign of freshness. That moment will stick with me forever.
- You buy Costco cakes for every occasion, no matter how small. Even if just six people are attending, you still bring a cake because no other store can match the price for a half-sheet of deliciousness. Financial guru Suze Orman would probably endorse this decision. And yes, you have likely devoured the leftover cake the following day, one bite at a time. Spoiler alert: day-old Costco cake brings feelings of guilt.
- You make weekend trips to Costco for non-essential items. It’s one thing if you’re down to your last roll of toilet paper, but venturing in on a Saturday “just to browse”? That’s a different story. Even the devil avoids Costco on weekends, and he was the one who designed their parking lots.
- You’ve crafted entire meals from Costco impulse buys. Last weekend, for instance, I whipped up three dozen mini-quiches for breakfast. The box assured me they contained “fresh eggs and milk.” #momwin
- You strategically seek out the amusing cashier to keep your kids entertained during checkout. You know the one—the funny guy with a delightful accent who could easily be mistaken for a comedian. If Jimmy Fallon were from Trinidad and worked at Costco, he would be that person.
- Somewhere in your kitchen, there exists a jar of coconut oil that could rival a small oil drum. You’re racing against the clock to use it up before you stumble upon a viral claim that coconut oil isn’t the miracle substance it was once believed to be. Stir-fry, anyone?
- Your loyalty to Costco is unyielding, but even you have limits. You discovered that the store’s version of Dove soap felt like jet fuel on sensitive areas after a rather painful shower. You passed the leftover bars to your teenage boys, assuming their skin could take it. That was four years ago, and there are still a few bars remaining.
- Your kids have been begging for a trip to Disneyland for what feels like forever. What are they thinking? Don’t they realize that Kirkland products are far superior?
- Your Achilles tendons have almost been severed by an overzealous shopper in Lululemon, too absorbed in her phone discussing kale and smoothie recipes to notice she was barreling through the aisles. Your cries of pain went unheard.
- At some point during your Costco shopping adventures, you’ve temporarily misplaced one of your children. Fortunately, they were quickly located sitting in a calm family’s cart, munching on a churro and joyously singing tunes from The Sound of Music.
And lastly, the ultimate sign that you’ve fully integrated into the Costco community?
- You’ve witnessed strangers shoving handfuls of spanakopita into their mouths while you helplessly navigate your cart around a throng of sample enthusiasts. If luck isn’t on your side, you might even experience what’s known in the Costco world as a “spanakopita shower.” Some sights are forever etched in your memory.
Welcome to the Costco lifestyle. Just a friendly reminder: they close at 6:00 PM on Saturdays.
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Summary
In summary, if you’ve found yourself relating to any of these signs, it’s clear that you’ve embraced the Costco lifestyle wholeheartedly. From returning food items to purchasing cakes for every occasion, the signs are unmistakable. Remember, there’s a sense of community among fellow Costco enthusiasts, and it’s always an adventure navigating the aisles.