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I Was Just Joking!
Sarcasm has always been my go-to humor style, and my son, Max, picked up on it at a young age. Now, when I make a sarcastic remark like, “I can’t wait to shop for a suit for your graduation,” he quickly fires back with, “Oh, great! That sounds like a blast.” His retort? “I was just kidding! I’d rather have a porcupine as a pet!” Clearly, he’s mastered the art of sarcasm. -
You Know Junk Food Isn’t Healthy, Right?
On days when I crave a Coke Zero to lift my spirits, Max seizes the opportunity to remind me of junk food’s dangers. He loves sharing a YouTube video showing Coke being boiled down into a sticky mess perfect for roofing. It’s a clever revenge for all the times I warned him that eating too many cheesy snacks would turn his insides orange. -
I Don’t Get It. What’s So Funny?
A particularly cringe-worthy tween show, “Drake & Josh,” had Max and his buddy rolling with laughter. Whenever I watched the show’s so-called funniest moments, I’d often exclaim, “I don’t get it. What’s so funny about that?” Now, whenever I share something amusing, Max hits me with my own words. It’s infuriating enough that I’ve tried—unsuccessfully—to appreciate the humor in Drake & Josh. -
I Need Some ‘Me’ Time.
Every parent has uttered this phrase, usually when they’re hiding in the bathroom with a book and a timer. Max, however, has redefined “me time” to mean any moment he’s avoiding homework, chores, or even getting ready for swim practice. -
Seriously? When Did You Last Brush Your Teeth?
Max, like many boys, used to revel in being a little stinky. Now, he’s sensitive about hygiene and frequently points out my breath after I indulge in a garlicky meal. -
Why Do I Have to Do Everything?!
This complaint emerges whenever I ask Max to pick up his sweatshirt or take his plate to the sink. Oh, sweet boy, just wait until you truly have to do everything! -
When My Friends Come Over, It’s Not a Playdate. We’re Just Hanging Out.
For years, Max referred to my friends’ visits as playdates. Recently, he’s decided he’s too mature for such terminology, although I hope he won’t be drinking wine for a long time! -
I’ll Be in My Room; I Need Some Space.
Similar to “me time,” this phrase is often accompanied by a door slam. I swear I’ve only used it when in dire need of quiet, not when I simply wanted to read comics for hours. -
You’re Wearing That Again?
Max has become known for his signature long-sleeve tee and sweatpants combo. In my attempts to encourage variety, he cleverly pointed out that I wear the same outfit daily—gray pants, white top, and a black vest. Touché. -
Can You Try Throwing the Ball at Me Instead of Over the Fence?
This line comes up every time I make a less-than-perfect throw. Yes, he learned this from me during his early throwing days when his strength didn’t quite match his aim. -
Someone Needs a Haircut.
I often joke about Max needing a trim while running my fingers through his hair. Now, he’ll hold up my gray strands and retort, “Wow, looks like you need to see a hairdresser, too!” -
Seriously?
This one word can convey disbelief in various situations. “Seriously, you expect me to eat spinach pizza? Seriously, you want me to watch a documentary about a swimmer? Seriously, you think I’ll be excited about this project?” Alright, I may have overused that phrase a bit too.
This article originally appeared on June 3, 2015. For more parenting tips and advice, check out our other articles, including our guide on the Home Insemination Kit, which offers insights into family planning. And if you’re interested in stylish yet comfortable wear for new moms, head to this resource, as they provide excellent recommendations. For those navigating the journey of pregnancy, learn more about what to expect with your first IUI here.
Summary:
Navigating the challenges of parenting a tween can be amusing and frustrating. From sarcasm to reminders about hygiene, the phrases we use often come back to us in unexpected ways. It’s a humorous reminder of how our words shape our children’s understanding and behavior.