Dear Loving Partner,
Welcome back! I trust your day at work was delightful. I realize I may not look my best this evening, but I genuinely intended to freshen up. Alas, life had other plans. Here are twelve reasons why I didn’t manage to shower today:
- Your gentle snoring, combined with the baby’s nighttime antics, meant I barely slept. I may have hit the snooze button five times, completely missing my chance to shower before the kids were up.
- The moment the kids woke up, they were cranky and demanding breakfast. Apparently, I’m the only one who knows where the cereal is stored and how to pour milk.
- After dropping the kids off at school, I discovered I’m responsible for snacks for the class party tomorrow. I only found out when our daughter handed me a note this morning that had been tucked away for over a week.
- Back at home, I realized I had no clean yoga pants. It felt wrong to put my just-washed self into unwashed clothes, so I opted to do some laundry instead.
- I planned to shower during the baby’s nap, but the baby had other ideas. Sleep was clearly not on the agenda.
- Instead, I thought I’d squeeze in a workout while the baby played. Of course, there’s no point in showering before exercising—sweat and all.
- Just as I set up my yoga mat, the dog decided to vomit. Cleaning that mess involved a makeshift Hazmat suit, a steam cleaner, and a fair bit of cursing (she found the art supplies again).
- Even though I longed for a shower at this point, Common Core Math and a meltdown from one of the kids consumed the rest of my afternoon.
- Then, of course, it was time to prepare dinner. Everyone needs to eat, right? Didn’t I just do this yesterday?
- Besides, with the ongoing drought in the Western United States, I’m technically conserving water. And money.
- Plus, the messy bun is in vogue, right? Surely this look is attractive! Tell me it is!
- Lastly, I used baby wipes on all my more odorous areas, so I’m essentially clean and fresh—just like a newborn.
Instead of giving me that shocked look, why don’t you take charge of the kids while I try to sneak in that shower? Although, let’s be real—a glass of wine and some mindless television sound way more appealing.
Yours in slightly disheveled beauty,
Your Lovely Wife
P.S. I promise to try again tomorrow.
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Summary
This light-hearted article humorously outlines the everyday challenges that prevent a mother from taking a shower, from sleepless nights to unexpected messes. It highlights the chaos of parenting while providing relatable reasons for neglecting self-care, all wrapped up in a loving note to her partner.