By: Jamie Collins
I have ADHD and an anxiety disorder, which my therapist tells me is a common combination. This realization does little to lessen my sense of isolation; instead, it amplifies my feelings of social awkwardness. If you’ve ever met that person who seems to blurt out irrelevant responses during conversations, you’ve encountered me. During my graduate studies, my partner likened me to a character from a fantasy series, and while it was meant as a compliment, I often find myself sailing through life, oblivious to the social cues around me. It’s both annoying and frustrating, but above all, it’s just plain awkward.
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I don’t always realize when I’m being awkward.
In the series Sherlock, the character Holmes is portrayed as someone who disregards social norms. I often wish I had a companion like Watson to nudge me when I’m being peculiar. Too frequently, I’m lost in my own thoughts, completely unaware that someone is trying to engage with me. I could be having what I think is a delightful exchange, only to later realize I’ve spoken to the same person before and repeated myself.
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Yet, I constantly worry about being odd.
Having been embarrassed in social settings enough times, I’ve learned that I often miss the unspoken rules of engagement. For instance, if I bump into a familiar face at the grocery store, I’m left wondering if it’s appropriate to greet them or how long I should linger in conversation. Most people navigate these interactions effortlessly, while I find myself praying for an urgent distraction, like my kids needing to use the restroom.
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I’m not ignoring you.
My social habits may give the impression that I’m disinterested. For instance, I check my phone frequently—it’s an ADHD trait. The instant gratification I receive from social media notifications can be overwhelming. While I seem distracted, I’m still engaged in the conversation, but my tendency to look around for my kids or zone out can make me appear disengaged.
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My friends are often just as quirky.
Throughout my life, I have gravitated towards individuals who share my unique traits. In school, I hung out with the “eccentric” kids, and now as an adult, I connect with fellow moms who have their own peculiarities. We might have cluttered homes or unconventional hobbies, but we relate to each other in ways that mainstream society often overlooks.
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I worry my kids will inherit my awkwardness.
Fortunately, my partner is quite balanced, which helps mitigate my fears that our children will face the same social challenges I do. I fret that they might struggle to connect with their peers, especially if their interests lean towards the unusual—like a fascination with historical figures.
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I frequently forget details.
When I say I forget things, I mean essential aspects of conversations or even if we’ve met before. That familiar barista? It’s a miracle if I remember her name. I often lose track of important personal details, which turns social interactions into a source of anxiety for me. This oblivion can lead to awkward silences where I nervously fidget or check my phone.
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I might interrupt with random thoughts.
My mind tends to jump around, leading to unexpected comments that can disrupt the flow of conversation. One moment we could be discussing parenting, and I’ll suddenly mention something unrelated—like my husband forgetting to take out the trash. I hope others can pivot back to the original topic, but not everyone is as accustomed to my conversational style.
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My compliments can come off strangely.
When I see something I like, I tend to express it, sometimes to complete strangers. This spontaneous admiration often leaves me second-guessing my social boundaries, worrying that I may have crossed a line or come off as overly forward.
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I replay social interactions in my mind.
After mingling with someone, I often find myself obsessing over every word I spoke, scrutinizing whether I said something inappropriate or awkward. This can lead to feelings of insecurity, making me believe that the person might dislike me, even if that isn’t the case.
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I struggle to interpret others’ feelings.
Not only do I have difficulty with my own social cues, but I also misread others. For example, I often misinterpret a gruff demeanor as hostility, leading me to believe that someone is judging me. It’s a cycle of anxiety that I constantly navigate.
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I don’t know when to stop talking.
This leads to my tendency to dominate conversations or divulge too much personal information. Casual acquaintances probably don’t need to know about my parenting choices or my obsession with a cult TV show. In my mind, these details seem normal, but I forget they might be deemed unusual by others.
Being socially awkward can be challenging. Forming new friendships feels daunting, and everyday interactions can become overwhelming. You focus on the minutiae of social exchanges, often misplacing your attention on trivial matters. It can be isolating, but it’s comforting to know that you’re not alone in this experience. Or are you?
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Summary
Being socially awkward can be a significant challenge, affecting personal interactions and relationships. Individuals with ADHD and anxiety may find themselves struggling with social cues, fearing judgment, and replaying conversations in their minds. While this experience can feel isolating, it’s essential to recognize that many share similar sentiments, and there are resources available for support and guidance.