By: Jamie Thompson
Today, I noticed that my oldest son’s shoes are now larger than mine. It struck me how quickly he’s growing up, and I felt both small and overwhelmed.
As a mother, one of my first realizations was that, someday, someone I haven’t met yet would love my son. My role, I realized, is to help him become a man capable of both giving and receiving love. Now, I see him standing on the brink of adolescence, ready to navigate the complexities of relationships. It’s a journey that started with small steps and now has led us to this new phase—the Age of Hormones. Soon enough, he’ll experience the highs and lows of young love, the thrill of infatuation, and the heartache that sometimes comes with it. I know I’ll feel every bit of that emotional rollercoaster alongside him, even if he doesn’t want me to.
Just today, my partner joked about kissing, and instead of cringing, our son raised an eyebrow and mentioned needing “practice” in that area. A glance between us confirmed it: here we go.
As he embarks on this adventure, I want to share some important lessons about relationships and dating. Here are 11 key points—some for now and others for later:
- Kindness is Key: Always be kind. You may encounter people who have feelings for you that you don’t reciprocate. While you are not obligated to be friends with everyone, treat others’ feelings with care. Show the same kindness you would want for your younger sibling, whom I know you love dearly.
- Establish Boundaries: It’s crucial to maintain your individuality. Don’t lose yourself in a relationship. The right partner will appreciate you for who you are, not just as part of a duo.
- Be Honest in Breakups: If you need to end a relationship, do so directly. Avoid the childish tactic of acting rudely to prompt a breakup. Honesty is always the best policy and will lead to healthier outcomes for both of you.
- Avoid Disrespectful Labels: Never refer to someone who has shown interest in you as “crazy” or “slutty.” Respect their feelings. Disrespect can escalate situations, especially if you’re not upfront when a relationship ends.
- Choose Wisely: Every person you date will eventually either be an ex or your life partner. Make your choices thoughtfully.
- Value Intelligence and Humor: Appreciate girls who are smart and can make you laugh. Physical attraction matters, but a solid connection is built on shared conversation and laughter, which is often harder to find than you think.
- Dress and Groom Well: Seriously, pull up your pants. While style icons like Justin Bieber may be popular, remember that maturity also matters. Maintain good hygiene—it’s a small ask when you consider what girls experience.
- Understanding Consent: This is critical. “No” means no, and that extends to all situations. If someone is intoxicated or in a vulnerable state, it’s your responsibility to respect their boundaries as well. Saying no can be tough, but it’s essential.
- Practice Generosity: Show thoughtfulness through gifts, no matter how small. It’s not the value that matters; it’s the gesture. Thoughtful acts indicate that you cherish the other person.
- Love Requires Work: Real love is an action. It’s not just about feeling good; it’s about putting in the effort to nurture the relationship. If you’re not ready to work at it, you’re not ready for love. And remember: love should be kind and patient, not painful.
- Take Risks: Don’t let fear hold you back. If you like a girl, ask her out. Take that leap. Even if it leads to rejection, facing your fears is better than living with regrets.
Good luck, my dear boy. Be kind, be true, or else!
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Summary: As my son navigates the complexities of dating, I want to impart essential lessons about kindness, honesty, and the importance of maintaining one’s identity. Each relationship he forms will shape his understanding of love, respect, and personal boundaries—principles that will guide him throughout his life.