I once read that finances and division of labor are the most common sources of conflict for couples. Surprisingly, those issues rank lower on our list. The top contenders in our household? Who’s more exhausted and the true definition of a bath. Just to clarify, starting the water for the kids is not “bathing” them; it’s simply filling the tub. And yes, I’m definitely more tired than my husband, Mark.
The initial years of marriage were challenging. While many believe those years should be the most blissful, they were, in fact, our most awkward and disjointed. It took some time for us to find our rhythm. I didn’t realize that those early years were crucial for defining our partnership as a unit, while still honoring our individual identities. Once children entered the picture, the complexity increased, and we found ourselves navigating new parental roles. We essentially became four people: individual selves, partners, co-parents, and parents, making a total of eight personas to juggle within our relationship. It’s no wonder we occasionally clash!
From my experience, arguments are inevitable, but they can actually be beneficial. Provided there’s no verbal or physical abuse involved, conflict can be a healthy aspect of a relationship. Here are ten ways that arguing has enhanced our marriage:
- Enhances Communication
Whether we’re raising our voices or simply exchanging barbs, we’re still communicating. Every heated disagreement ultimately leads to a more civil discussion—often after a cooling-off period, of course. This process strengthens our connection. - Keeps Life Engaging
My husband and I are incredibly balanced, yet we are completely different. Our arguments often arise when our comfort zones are challenged. Seeking solutions often requires us to step outside our usual mindsets, which can breathe new life into our daily routines. - Balances Responsibilities
A marriage can’t thrive if one partner always has their way. If that were the case, our home would be adorned with hunting trophies and deer-themed decor! We need a mix of approaches to parenting and household management, and sometimes we have to argue to explore those different strategies. - Provides Personal Space
Living with others around the clock can make conflict unavoidable. Arguments sometimes highlight the need for personal space, which can be a welcome outcome. - Encourages Compromise
No matter how trivial or significant, every disagreement requires a resolution. If we can’t find common ground, we at least agree to disagree, which helps us move forward. - Fosters Unity
Having differing opinions allows us to appreciate each other’s unique contributions as partners and parents. Arguments remind us not to take each other for granted, reinforcing the value of our teamwork. - Promotes Respect for Diversity
Our differing perspectives often enrich our relationship. Respecting these differences is essential, as they contribute to our growth both as individuals and as a couple. - Teaches Our Kids to Advocate for Themselves
We want our children to learn that if something isn’t working for them, they should voice their concerns. Teaching them to stand up for themselves early on will empower them in the future. - Helps Maintain Individuality
If you don’t express your needs, small annoyances can build up. My individual needs are different from my husband’s, and it’s vital to ensure both are met to foster happiness in our marriage. - Prevents Resentment
Doormat Syndrome occurs when someone suppresses their opinions out of fear of conflict, leading to resentment. Openly expressing thoughts can create a healthier communication dynamic in the future.
As my husband and I settle deeper into our marriage, our arguments have become less frequent. This shift is due in part to resolving many of the issues from our earlier years. We’ve learned that many disagreements are trivial, and we’re simply too exhausted to argue about them. However, it remains important for our children to witness how we navigate our differences and reach compromises that benefit everyone.
And just to reiterate—yes, I really am more tired than he is.
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Summary:
Arguing, while often viewed negatively, can play a significant role in strengthening a marriage. Communication, respect for differences, compromise, and individual expression are all enhanced through conflict, ultimately leading to a more resilient partnership. As couples navigate their unique challenges, it’s essential to appreciate the growth that can come from disagreements.