As if forging friendships with fellow moms isn’t challenging enough, it feels like every word I utter lately has the potential to offend someone. The online world is overflowing with articles warning me against saying certain things to different people, as they may take offense and are tired of hearing them from someone like me. I genuinely want to connect with other mothers, so I’ve compiled a list of 10 types of moms I can no longer engage with.
Stay-at-Home Moms
As a stay-at-home mom myself, I fully understand the whirlwind of exhaustion, chaos, and the essential coffee and wine breaks needed to maintain sanity while caring for young children. However, I find it perplexing that many of us become defensive when asked about our daily routines. Sometimes I genuinely want to know how other SAHMs cope with the monotony of cleaning, feeding, and transporting kids. I’d love to exchange survival tips or discuss the best yoga pants and affordable wine from Target.
Working Moms
I know working moms are often frustrated by questions like, “How can you leave your kids all day?” or “Is it worth it?” I’m genuinely curious about how you juggle it all, as I hope to return to work one day, and the thought is daunting. I admire your ability to balance everything and wish I could ask about your experience without feeling like I’m making you guilty.
Pregnant Moms
Approaching a pregnant woman can feel like navigating a minefield. I run in the opposite direction rather than risk asking a potentially triggering question like “What’s the baby’s gender?” or “Have you picked out a name?” I’d rather pretend I didn’t see her maternity clothes and act surprised if she brings up her due date.
Moms of Only Children
I’m often asked if I plan to expand my family (definitely not!), but I don’t mind. I think inquiries about family size are fair, and I’d love to hear other moms’ experiences with only children. However, I avoid asking, knowing there might be sensitive reasons behind their choices.
Moms of Large Families
The dynamics of big families intrigue me, and I can’t help but wonder how they manage to care for so many kids. I have a friend who is expecting her ninth child, and I want to ask how they find time for intimacy with so many little ones around, but I hold back. Instead, I stick to discussing the weather.
Lesbian Moms
I fully support two-mom (and two-dad) families, but I often hesitate to engage in conversation for fear of unintentionally causing offense. I know that these families may face unique challenges, and I want to be respectful, but it saddens me to feel unable to connect.
Adoptive Moms
There’s a lot of sensitivity surrounding adoption, especially regarding single moms or those raising children of different races. I find adoption stories to be powerful and beautiful, and I wish I could celebrate their journeys without making them feel singled out.
Moms of Multiples
I’ve always found twins fascinating! I’ve yet to meet triplets, but I’d love to hear about their experiences. My curiosity about whether twins were conceived naturally or through fertility treatments stems from a genuine interest in the wonders of biology and parenthood, but it feels like a taboo topic.
Special Needs Moms
I want to be supportive and learn about your child’s situation, but I fear coming off as condescending. You might be open to educating others, but it’s hard to know without asking. I worry that my questions could add to your stress, so I often choose silence.
Moms with Tantruming Kids
I never offer unsolicited advice to moms dealing with children in meltdown mode. As much as I’d like to share my own experiences, I prefer to be grateful for the peace of my own kid and quietly walk away.
It’s a pity that these are all moms I would love to befriend in real life. I long for genuine conversations, but the fear of offending others has stifled authentic connections. We live in a culture where people are easily offended, and this constant defensiveness is hindering our ability to form meaningful relationships and share our unique stories.
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Summary
Navigating friendships with different types of moms can be challenging due to the fear of offending others. Each category of mothers—stay-at-home, working, pregnant, moms of only children, large families, lesbian moms, adoptive moms, moms of multiples, special needs moms, and those with tantruming kids—comes with its own complexities. The desire for genuine connection often clashes with the anxiety of saying the wrong thing, which ultimately hinders our ability to form meaningful relationships.