Navigating a divorce can be an incredibly challenging experience. When a friend confides in you about their crumbling marriage, it’s essential to offer support without adding to their distress. Here are some suggestions on what to say—and what to avoid—when your friend is facing this tough time.
What to Avoid Saying and What to Say Instead
Avoid Saying: “You shouldn’t dwell on him so much. It’s not healthy!”
Instead, Say: “What did he do this week that annoyed you? Seriously? He actually did that? What a jerk!”
Avoid Saying: “Here’s a lovely plant for your new place.”
Instead, Say: “I considered getting you a plant as a housewarming gift, but I thought a giant bottle of bourbon might be more useful right now.”
Avoid Saying: “Is now really the right time to splurge on an organic mattress?”
Instead, Say: “Let’s go shopping for some luxurious new sheets! I’ll treat you!”
Avoid Saying: “You’re lucky to get nights away from the kids.”
Instead, Say: “Oh, that sounds rough. Can I buy you a drink? He’s such a jerk.”
Avoid Saying: “Working out will help you feel better.”
Instead, Say: “You look a bit too thin lately, so I brought you some cookies.”
Avoid Saying: “Hanging out with him doesn’t mean we’re on his side.”
Instead, Say: “We only spend time with him to get the latest scoop for you. We definitely don’t like him—he’s such a jerk!”
Avoid Saying: “Why do you care that he has a new girlfriend?”
Instead, Say: “Let’s give your Tinder profile a makeover! Time to post some new pictures!”
Avoid Saying: “How about a mani-pedi?”
Instead, Say: “Do you want to go egg his new girlfriend’s house?”
Avoid Saying: “Shouldn’t you focus on your kids for a while?”
Instead, Say: “I saw some condoms on sale at the store and thought of grabbing you a few boxes!”
Avoid Saying: “Now isn’t the best time for amateur adult films.”
Instead, Say: “Fair point.”
Remember, what your friend truly needs during this tumultuous time is unwavering support, validation, and perhaps a stiff drink. No matter how it may seem, her ex is always a jerk.
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In summary, supporting a friend through a divorce requires a balance of empathy and humor. Stick to phrases that validate their feelings and offer lighthearted distractions, ensuring they feel heard and supported.