“Mommy,” my 4-year-old proclaims. “You’re my best friend!”
“That’s adorable,” I reply.
“And…?” she prompts, clearly fishing for a different reaction.
“And I love you,” I respond.
She stands there, still expecting more. I can almost hear her inner Oliver Twist, waiting for me to say something else.
“And?” she repeats, “You didn’t say I’m your best friend back.”
“Well, that’s because you’re not my best friend,” I think silently. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also don’t want to mislead her. So, I try to redirect her focus onto something shiny. The reality is, kids make the worst best friends.
When I hear other parents refer to their little ones—from infants to teens—as their best friends, I can’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy. These are clearly individuals who have yet to experience genuine friendship. I mean, when was the last time your best friend threw food all over your car and then yelled at you for asking her to clean it up? And let’s be real: ten minutes before your child claims, “Mommy, you’re my best friend,” they’ve likely declared the same to Peppa Pig, an imaginary unicorn, or a stray Lego piece.
I have a true adult best friend, someone I’ve known since high school. Throughout our friendship, she’s never commented on my weight or questioned why I might have bad breath. Plus, she cleans up her messes without needing any coaxing. So, here are the reasons why my child is definitely not my best friend:
- Children Don’t Pay for Anything: When was the last time your 5-year-old offered to cover the bill? A real friend contributes.
- Best Friends Don’t Steal Your Sleep: Imagine your best friend calling you at 3 a.m. because of a nightmare, followed by requests for water and back rubs. Then they demand that you fix the covers and call you back to complain about how long it’s taking for you to go back to sleep.
- No Trash Handing: My best friend has never shoved an empty candy wrapper into my hand or handed me a squished snack from the floor. My kids, however, are experts at this.
- No Birthday Present Payments: Can you picture your best friend saying, “I want to buy you a gift, but you’ll need to drive me and pay for it”? Real friends don’t do that.
- Driving is a One-Way Street: Wouldn’t it be nice if your best friend took the wheel while you relaxed in the passenger seat? Not with kids—they always expect you to drive everywhere.
- Best Friends Share Decision-Making: After twenty years of friendship, my best friend has never insisted we only do activities she wants. Kids, on the other hand, often dictate our plans.
- No Dependency on Shoe Location: My best friend doesn’t expect me to locate her shoes, lunchbox, or homework. She never responds with “I dunno” when asked where something is.
- Punctuality Matters: Regardless of how early I wake up, my children guarantee I’ll be late with their “One more minute” and “Just one more thing.” My best friend might run late, but at least she texts.
- Endless Repetition: You never go out to dinner with a friend who tells you the same story 1,234 times, yet kids love to regale the same tale repeatedly.
- Loyalty is Key: Best friends are committed to one another. Kids, though, seem to have a new best friend every hour—from lunch partners to favorite toys, or even the latest cartoon character.
While the bond you share with your child is irreplaceable, let’s be real: if they could stop handing you their trash and waking you at 3 a.m., that would be a nice break, right? For more parenting insights, check out our other blog post about boosting fertility supplements at Make A Mom and learn more about pregnancy health at WHO. You might also find helpful DIY snack ideas at Intracervical Insemination.
Summary
While children may shower us with affection, the reality is they lack the qualities that define true friendship. From their inability to share expenses to their habit of monopolizing our time and attention, kids make for challenging companions. The bond of parenthood is profound, but let’s not confuse it with the dynamics of adult friendships.