I never anticipated becoming a top student in the School of Divorced Mom Wisdom, yet here I am, sharing the lessons I’ve gathered through my journey. Some were tough to swallow, but they’ve all shaped who I am today. Here are my ten most significant insights:
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Grief Hits You When You Least Expect It.
You might think you’re safe while strolling through the grocery store or engrossed in a work presentation, but grief can strike at any moment. It doesn’t care about your schedule or where you are. A familiar song or even a fleeting memory can bring back waves of sorrow. Grief has its own timeline, often ignoring the progress you’ve made. Be prepared with tissues at all times. -
You’ll Eventually Adjust to the Silence, and Then Feel Guilty.
Initially, time without the kids feels endless. But as you adapt, you might find joy in activities solo—like sipping wine at a vineyard or diving into a binge-worthy series. Just when you’re enjoying the peace, guilt creeps in, making you wonder if it’s wrong to feel okay without them. It’s normal, though; it’s an essential part of this new rhythm. -
Being Single Can Be Easier Than Being Married.
You’re in charge of everything—fixing that burnt-out lightbulb or deciding if the kids can skip bath night. There’s no one to nag you about chores or to reignite old arguments. Sometimes, the absence of your former partner brings about relief instead of sadness, and that’s perfectly valid. -
Your Divorce Story Is an Ongoing Narrative.
The first time you share your story, you rehearse and prepare for the heartbreak. But as children grow, their understanding of divorce evolves, and you’ll find yourself telling the story repeatedly, each time to a different version of your child. You adapt your narrative to fit their age and perspective, never fully escaping the need to share. -
Dating Is a Roller Coaster of Emotions.
Getting ready for a first date after years can feel nerve-wracking. You may obsess over your appearance and what to say, only to realize you’re too focused on your past to enjoy the moment. Dating can be awkward, but it can also be fun. Learn to leave the baggage behind and just enjoy the meal and the company. -
Money Worries Never Really Go Away.
Once, you were managing finances as a team, but now it feels daunting. Even with child support, the financial aspect can feel overwhelming. It’s a new reality that can lead to anxiety, but it’s essential to face it head-on. -
You Might Miss Your Old Life, Even Years Later.
Nostalgia can sneak up on you unexpectedly. You might long for the sound of waves at your ex’s family beach house or a special recipe that’s been lost. It’s natural to question your decisions and feel pangs of regret, but it’s important to remember that your past brought joy, and those memories are part of your journey. -
Co-Parenting Takes Work, But It’s Worth It.
As you navigate your new relationship with your ex, there will be challenges. Feelings of anger or resentment can cloud communication, but your shared love for your children remains a constant. No one else understands their needs as deeply as you both do, and that bond is invaluable. -
Your Kids Will Bear Scars, But They’ll Be Alright.
You may worry constantly about how the divorce affects your children. While it’s true that they may carry some emotional wounds, they can also thrive. The choices you make post-divorce matter immensely; every day provides an opportunity to aid in their healing. -
You Are Enough.
Even in moments of doubt or imperfection, you are enough. Your family may look different than you envisioned, but you belong together. The love you share with your children is profound, and that connection is what truly matters.
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In summary, navigating life as a divorced mom can be a challenge, filled with unexpected lessons and moments of introspection. Embrace the journey and remember that you are not alone in this experience.