As I approach my 30th birthday, the inquiries about starting a family seem to multiply—coming from my mother, relatives, friends, and even strangers. My husband and I have plans to have kids, which is part of why we bought our home recently, but we’re not rushing into it just yet.
After nearly four years of marriage, it feels like there’s an unspoken expectation to have children shortly after tying the knot. While some couples dive into parenthood right away, that’s not our path. We’ve moved across four states in four years, and I can’t help but think how much tougher that would have been with a child in tow.
It’s essential to remember that everyone’s journey is different, and we should all have the freedom to make choices without facing judgment. There are myriad reasons why someone might not have children—whether it’s by choice, difficulties in conceiving, or simply not being ready. Still, I often hear these ten comments that I’d rather not:
- “By your age, I had 2/3/6 kids!”
Great! I’ve also explored Europe twice and traveled extensively in the U.S. While I know many parents travel with kids, I can only imagine it’s a bit simpler without them. - “You look so comfortable holding that baby. Maybe you should think about having one!”
Sure, I didn’t drop it! Clearly, I’m ready for parenthood now… - “Let me share a terrifying story about my childbirth experience…”
Oh, please do. I plan to have kids one day—although I might feel a bit less enthusiastic after hearing your tale. The only comparable experience I can share is when my cat clawed me, and it hurt quite a bit. - “You’re not getting any younger.”
True. But guess what? Neither are you. - “Your kids will be SO adorable!”
If they’re not, can we return them? Oh, I see, it’s because they’ll be half-Asian and half-white. Understood. - “Are you next in line for kids?”
I have no control over anyone else’s family planning, so I genuinely don’t know. What’s with the obsession? - “Having a dog isn’t comparable to having a child.”
Thank goodness. Dogs can be left alone for a few hours, but I doubt authorities would appreciate the same treatment for children. Plus, my dog stopped waking me up every few hours after we adopted him. Sleep is precious. - “You’ve had a puppy. You can handle a baby!”
Seriously, folks? You can’t have it both ways! - “Can’t you hear your biological clock ticking?”
Nope. But I do enjoy music, so that could drown out any ticking sounds. Or maybe it’s broken. - “So, when will you have a baby?”
Not in the next nine months, that’s for sure. But don’t worry; you’ll know when it happens. You’ll likely meet the child before they head off to college.
It’s best to refrain from making these kinds of comments to those who can conceive, even if you have kids yourself. It’s rarely a fun topic, and it can lead to uncomfortable situations for everyone involved.
Of course, family members—especially mothers—are exempt from this rule; they’ll likely ask whatever they please. Hi, Mom!
If you’re exploring options for starting a family, check out this home insemination kit for more information. For those tackling potty training, Potty Training Pants can be an excellent resource. For further insights into pregnancy and insemination, Progyny is a fantastic platform to explore.
Summary
Approaching 30 and childless can invite unsolicited remarks from various people. While the journey to parenthood is personal and diverse, certain comments can feel intrusive or judgmental. It’s essential to be mindful of the conversations we engage in regarding family planning.