I returned to my job nearly four years ago after spending time as a stay-at-home mom. While I received plenty of accolades for my choice to focus on my children from family and friendly strangers, it seems that the applause for my role as a working mom is far less frequent. Although I occasionally hear the typical praises like, “Wow, you’re like a superhero!” I can sense the underlying message: “There’s no way you’re managing everything effectively, and you’re shortchanging your kids.”
The critics, along with daily challenges, can make life pretty tough for working mothers. We are constantly balancing the needs of our children with the demands of our employers. This tightrope act—trying to satisfy those we love most while meeting the expectations of those who ensure we can pay the bills—can be incredibly overwhelming. Here’s a look at ten comments working mothers would prefer to avoid:
- “I could NEVER drop my kids off at daycare!” While you may genuinely feel that way, many of us don’t have that luxury. This phrase often implies, “I’m a better mom than you!” So, it’s best to keep those thoughts to yourself.
- “It would be wonderful if you could volunteer more at school. I know your son would appreciate it!” I truly value parental involvement in education, and while I did my share of volunteering, it’s disheartening to feel that I’m not present enough. It would be nice if we could simplify things and let schools focus primarily on kids and teachers.
- “Hello, Mrs. Johnson? You need to pick up Little Johnson—he has a fever.” This dreaded call always seems to come at the worst times. When my husband is unavailable and I’m buried in work, I have to dash to daycare, leaving me panic-stricken about the implications for my job. Illness becomes a complex labyrinth of worries for working moms.
- “Can’t you at least help coach this season?” No, I cannot. Between preparing dinner, assisting with homework, and squeezing in “quality time,” I have no bandwidth left to direct your child’s sports antics.
- “Next session, we’ll schedule lessons at 4 PM instead of 5:30 PM!” Why are so many activities scheduled during hours that working parents can’t manage? I understand it benefits children, but it only serves to make me feel more isolated.
- “That’s a lovely handbag/haircut/bracelet… I wish I could afford it.” Such comments can mask a judgment that I’m working for luxury rather than necessity. The reality of a dual-income household is often far less glamorous than it appears.
- “Maybe he wouldn’t be so energetic if he spent more time with you.” This kind of remark is painful. It plants seeds of doubt in my mind about whether my absence is hurting my children.
- “Couldn’t you just work part-time? You’re gone so often!” Many people don’t realize that part-time daycare costs can rival full-time rates. I initially considered part-time work but quickly discovered it wouldn’t be financially viable.
- “HOW DO YOU MANAGE IT ALL??” While it sounds like a compliment, it often feels like a challenge. It’s as if the person is daring me to prove that my home isn’t a chaotic mess with ramen dinners and laundry piles.
- “Don’t you MISS your kids while you’re at work?” Of course, I do! Do you think that’s helpful to remind me of? If you’re not willing to help with my bills, kindly keep your reflections to yourself.
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In summary, working mothers often face scrutiny and unsolicited advice that can add to their stress. While navigating the delicate balance of work and family, a little empathy and understanding can go a long way.